The Mastermind Plan
by nadapotter
Summary: Severus Snapes last thoughts before he dies.A tribute for severus snape for all his bravery and sacrifices.to be continued,please read and review.


Look--- at--- me, I whispered my last words weakly, I was going to die and I have failed to finish my last purpose in life. Albus had entrusted me with telling Harry the truth, but here I was lying on the floor in the shrieking shack Nagini's venom moving through my body killing me slowly, painfully. I wished that all this pain would end then--------then I can see Lily again, beautiful Lily .Life really wasn't merciful on me, I just wished I knew which god I had upset in my previous life? Why did fate have it in for me? I thought bitterly. I was going to die that I knew for certain what I didn't sign for however, is having Lily's son die to ensure the dark lords mortality.

I have spent 18 years of my life spying for the light side, I had sworn to protect Lily's child when she died. But it was useless it was all for naught I thought dispassionately, Dumbledore has manipulated me as if I was a bloody chess piece in the great mastermind plan that will ultimately lead to the dark lord's death .Bloody Dumbledore all he could do was order people around. "protect harry Severus" "go back to spy Severus" "teach harry occlumency Severus" " treat Harry nice Severus, he is not just his father's son" "wont you do it for Lily? Lily who sacrificed herself so her son can live" " you have to tell Harry that he is a horcrux Severus ,when the time is right as if I'll fucking know when the time is right Dumbledore and his bloody orders, taking my loyalty for granted just because I had the fortune or misfortune in my case to fall in love with Lily he thought I would do everything he ordered me to do but the last straw was when he said " kill me Severus "the number of emotions that I felt in that moment when I was staring dumbstruck in his face was enough to bring the dark lord to his knees I thought morbidly I'd put any dementor to shame .But no when the moment came he begged me begged me to kill him as if he thought I wasn't strong enough,wasn't brave enough,wasn't self sacrificing enough to kill the GREAT Albus Dumbledore. But to his great delight I did it because at that moment I hated him hated him more than I ever hated the dark lord .

At least you knew what to expect from the dark lord but Dumbledore no, no he just hid behind his kind grandfatherly image and twinkling eyes giving out that stupid muggle candy and lemon drops. Hiding behind the mantra of THE GREATER GOOD. His explanation for whatever heinous crime he committed it's for the greater good sometimes when I was sitting in the dungeons late at night damning my luck I'd wonder if he had been the reason for Lily's death ,if he actually sacrificed lily for the sake of winning the war. Although the perfect light figure would deny any of this when asked he'll have the horrified face etched on and then the disappointed gaze that's asking if he was a monster enough to do that. The answer is yes he is sending a child at the age of 17 to kill the strongest dark lord of all time that is monstrous enough in my eyes.

I must be really dying if I'm defending Potter in my mind, I thought wearily .Well wonders never cease to exist even if you are minutes away from death. I often heard that before you die your whole life flashes in front of you but here I am about to die and I'm reminiscing on life and my faults and they were many.

All my years as a spy all the pains I've suffered all the near death experiences all the lies will never measure to what I did I'm the reason for my best friend's death. Scratch that the reason for my ONLY friends death. The love of my life died because of my loyalty to a lunatic who seeks world domination.

When I was young I used to look at the students here in Hogwarts envying them especially the marauders it was true I was envious as I knew I'll never have James Potter's talent, or Sirius Blacks outgoing, charming personality. Or Lupin's warm kind heart and his generosity, Even Pettigrew managed to have loyal friends who would have died for him. So in short while some people had money, some had brilliant personalities, some had good looks, some had talent, while others had all of that. I had NOTHING and people wonder why a greasy git like me HATE James potter well here is your reason bright and clear he had everything WHILE, I had nothing you know all that doesn't really matter what really hurts is that he managed to have the only thing I had the only thing I ever wanted or needed for the matter He HAD LILYS LOVE. hahahha that must be a great joke that Potter junior can tell his kids when he talks about his adventure in Hogwarts and his greasy potions professor. It's just sickening imagine a miniature James Potter as Potter of course would name his first child after his father and his second child of course would be SIRIUS POTTER I shuddered JUST thinking about it and for just one tiny moment I was thankful that I was about to die and will never live to see this traumatic scene, Sirius potter I thought 2 people I hate the most joined in one .Isn't fate truly generous? Buy one get one free a package, how lovely I thought sarcastically.

Amazing here I am inches away from death and I still manage to be sarcastic .Although. That sarcasm has put me in a lot of trouble before. How many times has my father's fist connected with my face because of a sarcastic comment I said well the answer is a lot. At least the dark lord has appreciated my sarcasm if you ignore the few times he crucioed me for one word here or there I thought unreluctantly as I was really not in the mood to have any flashbacks of the dark lord right before my death. I wonder why I still haven't died ,if Dumbledore wasn't dead I'd have said it's an attempt of his to make me analyze my life and finally forgive myself for my past mistakes, As if I scoffed bitterly .No I'm not that lucky never that lucky I thought trembling slightly from the pain that possessed my body damn that snake.

Haven't you ever wondered about luck? Because frankly I do it a lot .do you know what delightful explanation I came upon? well I think that, some people are just born lucky were everything they do in life turns out to be perfect when they haven't even tried while, others are just hard workers who work as hard as they can and see this hard work pay off in the end, those are also considered somewhat lucky ,the third kind is those who we might say are a bit on the unlucky side of thing were life maybe wasn't as fair as it should have been those are the kind who trip while walking , lose their books ,have tea spilled on their homework, fail their monthly exams but the amazing thing about this type of luck or unluck some of us might call it is that when things become serious luck would be there to aid them so what if these people didn't get outstanding on all there O.W.L.s they at least passed. Finally we come to the one I've been waiting for the UNLUCKY ones those who life is just wrong for them from the beginning, usually those type of people nothing help they can try to function pretty normally but in the end they fall in the trap of believing that they were NORMAL. Call me paranoid a lot do but I believe that it's not paranoia when they are out to get you.

If Dumbledore heard me right now he would try to deny it saying that I'm a perfectly normal functioning human being but I know the truth and that is enough and since I'm alone here with no hope of having anyone hear my thoughts on the matter ill just be satisfied to tell myself the multiple reasons for my unluckiness where do I want to start how about being born to an alcoholic, child abuser who can't control his temper and a mother who can't defend me you know why? Because she loved my FATHER .she loved that pathetic vile excuse of a human. Apparently dear daddy couldn't accept the fact that both his wife and son could do magic .Guess who had to suffer because of that? what a lot of people suffer in their childhood and turn out to be just fine so I can forget about all those thrashings I received ,all the verbal abuse. I can forget about seeing my mother helpless in front of me and being unable to help her .I can forget about being dirt poor because we had no money and the little money that mum managed to save TOBIAS used it in his gambling. I can forget about having to wear rags and second hand clothes' can forget about my less than appealing looks my greasy hair, that hooked nose of mine as a result of it being broken when I was young why not a lot of people are unattractive. See piece of cake in one minute I can forget about all that it's easy. Or at least it was when I was young because when I was nine I met LILY I guess fate was just distracted in that moment .

I had a friend an amazing wonderful, beautiful intelligent friend who happens to be a witch can I be any luckier? Never mind the fact that she's muggleborn, I'm halfblood myself so I didn't really care and so I spent this amazing time before we went to hogwarts sharing everything I knew with lily. She now knew potions, knew about hogwarts, about quidditich she knew everything and she was perfect. Sometimes I really loved sharing everything with her it made everything easier back at home I finally had a friend. So what if I worshiped the ground she walks on ,what if I would do anything for her ,what if she is using me for information about this new world she knew nothing about? it doesn't matter I thought stubbornly she likes you Severus you are her best friend she's coming with me to Hogwarts and nothing could have made me happier or more joyful. We were special she and I we had this connection it will last.

when the time came and I had to go to Hogwarts I was so excited I was going to have a new start there, lily and I will be sorted in same house we will go to classes together, research potions, solve homework and explore the castle I didn't even pay a single notice to the fact that I bought only a new wand and everything else was second hand the books where my mums and I bought second hand tattered robes. But I was okay with that nothing could upset me then I was so young and regrettably so naive .The important thing about all this is that I could get to leave my father, peace at last. Sure I worried about mum how could I not but I was young and the prospect of new life excited me, more than I$ care to admit was a pretty selfish creature back then sure i felt guilty however I was ELEVEN and going to Hogwarts.

It was the start of something new that's what kept flashing in my mind every time i thought of Hogwarts but like every good think that happens to me it didn't last the dream was struck down by reality far before it even began to happen. See on the Hogwarts express I met 2 boys James Potter and Sirius Black i would rather not remember that meeting for the rest of my life .I wonder what i would have done then if i had known that these boys would be the bane of my existence, my own living hell for the next 7 years would i have run screaming away? Would I have begged the sorting hat to place me in any other house but Slytherin to lessen the torment? alas, it's too late .If I could somehow turn back time ,I could get my revenge on both potter and black without involving poor lily in that mess. Being teased by a couple of dunderheads didn't really scare me back when i was 11 and so excited about Hogwarts but when we arrived in hogwarts and lily and i were both sorted in a different house i knew then that the dream i have lived in since I was 9 was nothing but a dream. Sure i never told lily that and convinced her that we will remain friends but she was muggleborn and to my utter dismay she understood nothing about the dynamics between slytherins and gryffindors. She understood nothing about the rivalry that has been between both houses for centuries and that made me hope that she won't really notice the laws of nature that claimed that a slytherin and gryffindor can't coexist without causing mayhem. But who was I kidding, Would I Severus Snape really triumph and prove to everyone my talent, my intelligence?

Despite all the barriers that stood in my way the first 3 years at Hogwarts it was okay sure the Slytherins forbade me form hanging out with lily. Sure the marauders tried to make my life a living hell, they teased me mercilessly, mocked me about my greasy hair and my bat like look .however didn't really care it was tolerable. Lily and I enjoyed our summers studying more in the arts of potions, even my father's beating me up in a drunken rage didn't depress me as it used to.

Then it all changed James Bloody Potter showed interest in her. He wanted lily and he would stop at nothing to have her of course I assume having me depressed was an added incentive .of course a chance to break the greasy git and have him sniveling around like a baby. That's when it all started the atrocious nickname snivellus, the taunting, the teasing stealing my books humiliating me in every way possible. I was there target and they would stop at nothing to break me to win the prize

Which is of course lily, sometimes I wish I never met lily.

Hogwarts after that was my own grand brand of hell. Whatever can cross your mind happened to me and one rule I learned quickly is that if you cross the marauders you cross everyone that means that no gryffindor ,ravenclaw or huffelpuff would ever willingly talk to me that of course doesn't mean that I was innocent and sweet no I retaliated. However there is nothing I or anyone else can do when its 4 against one albeit Pettigrew was nothing and Lupin used to just watch feebly trying to stop them but who can stop them? When Gryffindors can do no wrong. The situation in slytherin was slightly different and more difficult as i was a half blood a fact which I tried to hide behind my mask and my hatred of muggles which was easy to fake as I already hated ,the Slytherins hated any signs of weaknesses and that torment that potter and black inflicted upon me was enough weakness in anyone's eyes. There was no help from anyone i had no friends nothing except lily. She tried defending me against the Gryffindors but in reality it caused more grief especially with the Slytherins who would tease me mercilessly because a "MUDBLOOD'' defended me.


End file.
